I learned to hate Beethoven's
"Für Elise" after a computer chip company placed a digital
version of it in telephones to play on hold. United Airlines has challenged
the axiom that it is impossible to hate Gershwin with its on-hold
rendition of "Rhapsody in Blue".
We were due to fly to Japan the
next day and my wife had no ticket. American claimed they had FedExed
it on Saturday, but it was Tuesday and still no ticket. We got
on the phone to try to track it down.
First it was from the car, by
cel phone. We waited through 15 minutes of frantic chamber music for
a human being to answer. One never did. We hung up to
go into the grocery to buy some veggies.
When we got home we uncorked a
bottle of wine and dialed again. We were greeted with the same
repertoire. We put on the speakerphone and proceeded to cook
to the strains of Bach and Handel and some kind of foxhunt music,
I believe (the tiny telephone speaker was very distorted).
We thawed some chicken, chopped
some vegetables, sipped more wine, contemplating our trip to Japan.
"Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" became "Zu Viel Nachtmusik".
We stirfried, we cut bread. Still
no answer.
Finally we settled down to dinner.
Halfway through, after a 40 minute concert, a woman answered.
To her credit, she had a sense of humor. She was polite and
helpful but not able to help us with our problem. This time
it was Federal Express' fault, making a 8:30PM delivery to our office.
It was supposed to have been there before 5.
There is, however, no excuse for
putting someone on hold for an hour. But, with filled flights,
who cares about customer service?
Almost everybody supported deregulation
of the airlines. What we didn’t ask for was the exact opposite.
The airlines have, indeed, regulated us, to their own advantage, written
their own rules (legally immune from state consumer protection laws),
created monopolies by code sharing and told us, in Orwellian doublespeak,
that this was all good.
I love to travel. I don't
particularly like to fly these days. The airlines are creating an
obstacle to the success of the rest of the travel industry.
Arranging a trip to an exotic place is an investment in a dream.
If the dream is proceeded by a nightmare, why bother?
Last year the American Society
of Travel Agents developed an Air Travelers Bill of Rights and is
in the forefront of trying to break this out-of-control cartel. They
have found a rather unholy ally in Bill Gates, who would like a chunk
of the flight booking market for Microsoft’s Expedia. There are
eight measures now before the US Congress to help remedy this arrogance.
If you are a US citizen, contact
your congressional representative and say you support airline reform.
Check ASTA's website
for summaries of the bills before Congress.
If something displeases you on
a flight, write to the airline and threaten to discontinue your patronage
(if you can, given a limited number of choices). And don’t
take it out on the flight crews. They are as angry as you are.
There was a good turn to this
story, however. We ended up flying Japan Airlines. A representative
called ME to ask if everything was alright. Now I am sitting
in a beautiful new lounge in the new terminal at Narita, an airport
I have long dreaded. My gosh, the toilet seats are heated.
All is well...for now.
