Cats, as you are well aware, know more than we do. I asked both of our cats, Max and Moritz, about that and they responded with their inscrutable "I don't suffer fools" look. Every time I travel, Max plants himself inside of my open suitcase marking my black sweaters with tufts of fuzz while Moritz frequently deposits a turd at the front door. I know they know I will be flying and I know they know that that will, in most cases, be an unsatisfying experience. Max crawled between me and my newspaper, the other day, as I read the University of Michigan's Consumer Satisfaction ratings which placed US airlines far lower that cat food, even lower that the IRS.

Pet food, as disgusting as those little cans of offal are, gets an 83 percent satisfaction rating while United Airlines posts a 56.  70 is regarded as a "C", grade and only Southwest broke that with a 76. The IRS scored a 56, about the same as our esteemed Cable TV services.Actually, we would be better off as freight.  FEDEX rated an 84. I have always wondered how FEDEX can guarantee next day delivery when people airlines can't?

Funny thing: The same kinds of companies that manipulate their customers with bad service and fine-print gotchas (the IRS, the cable guys and the airlines) are the ones we hate. Heinz soups and ketchups are what they are, even though 57 varieties have now grown to more than 1 thousand.  Heinz rates an 88.  Even with FEDEX, you know what you are getting. Why do I feel like a naked wildebeest approaching the perilous plain everytime I head to the airport. Will my flight will be cancelled, will I be bumped by someone who paid more for their ticket, will my laptop screen will be snapped off by the seat in front of me, will I be rerouted through Skagway, will my baggage become a new moon of Jupiter? 

MacDonald's didn't build a better burger, it built a predictable one. Heinz ketchup is Heinz ketchup not some vague promise of Heinz ketchup. I perceive cat food as cat food, even though I really don't want to know what is in it.

We need reliable, predictable airline service.

Now Northwest is emerging from bankruptcy, just as others have, and airlines are showing profits.  So, where's the kibbles?  We certainly not going back to the civilized old days of regulated airlines.  The guys with the green eyeshades and spreadsheets will see to that. They'll  continue to shave costs and raise prices…to "manage yield," denying us the legroom and pretzels we deserve.  That's their job. Besides, they have trained us to expect less.

So, it is time for us to holler.  Thanks to Senators Barbara Boxer (D-California) and Olympia Snowe (R-ME)  the  U.S. Senate Commerce Committee last week included an airline passengers' bill of rights in the measure that would reauthorize the Federal Aviation Administration. They're still working on it so write, phone, call, email your representative.  I'm sending mine in a barf bag. You can find more information at http://www.flyersrights.org.

I hate government bureaucracy as much as anyone, but there are some whole industries that are monopolies, like oil, like telcoms, like cable companies, like airlines. They may compete within their own narrow worlds, but when it comes to changing the way they do things for the benefit of the customer, they move like banana slugs on a hot day. Ask my cats...they know all of this stuff.  I know what Max and Moritz are thinking. Why should my feeder, my waterbowl filler, my litterbox emptier, (stupid as he is) subject himself to the discomfort and indignities of flight when he could be enjoying an IRS audit or even a can of chunky chicken bits?

By the way, there is a carrier in Nigeria called IRS Airlines.