Aboard the Superstar Leo

Its Captain's night on the Superstar Leo, a 13 deck, 2,000 passenger megaliner sailing the South China Sea. The Leo is an ultramodern, glitzy Malaysian ship, made in Germany with a Swedish Captain and an Aussie Chef. Cruise ship captains are almost always Norwegian or Swedish.Swedes and Norwegians apparently always know where they are going. On this ship, a good number of service staff is Vietnamese. They are personable, extremely good looking and speak very good English.

I have always been fascinated by the ethnic makeup of ship. On some of the super luxury cruise liners you will find Scandinavian housekeepers, Italian, French and Spanish waiters and Swiss and Germans in the kitchen. It was explained to me once that this was like the joke about the perfect world -- you know -- where the Italians were the lovers etc, etc. Well, it seems the while the Italians, French and Spanish are charmers in the dining room, if you put them in the kitchen, they too often express their opinions using sharp utensils.

I had my reservations about the first cruise I took. I was, in fact, scared to death. I was in my thirties, traveling alone on the old Royal Viking Sky, which was then probably the most deluxe ship afloat. It was a formal ship demanding a jacket every night at dinner and a tux on special nights. I thought I was going to be stuck for a week with a bunch of pompous old geezers and bejeweled matrons. How far from the truth that was. I was probably the youngest passenger aboard…but these people exhausted me. It was the most "been there done that" engaging bunch I had ever met.

I had a riot.

The days of the floating mausoleums are over. Fieldings cruise guide compares ships to hotels. Today ships rate in culture everywhere from Motel 6 to Relais Chateaux with lots of Holiday Inn's and Club Meds in between. There are huge ships, like the Superstar Leo, that have several restaurants, a casino, karoke bars, pools, theatres, tennis and lots of activities for kids. The quality of food and service is excellent which is truly amazing considering its size. The cuisine ranges from French, at a place called Maxims, sushi, western steaks and chops to hard-core Chinese…in a special restaurant that serves chicken feet, mystery meat and a lot of other things that to westerners would be an acquired taste.

There are small romantic yachts, some luxurious, others informal and adventurous. There are environmentally sound expedition ships that go up jungle rivers and navigate the ice flows in Antarctica. There are freighters where for between $80 and 100 a day you can have a great cabin, good meals and instead of a floor show, watch a bunch of sweaty guys.

You can get your teeth fixed. Holland America has begun to offer a program from Sea Dentist Inc. in which you can use your time on board to get your dentures repaired.

The number and variety of ships continues to increase mainly because so few people in the world have taken a cruise vacation. Cruising is considered a growth market.

And, because there is such intense competition, cruising can be a real bargain, especially considering the fact that some cruise lines provide free air. For example, there is an absolute glut of ships in Alaska this year…and that translates to big discounts. Don't look at the sticker prices. Even if one of the better cruise lines claims it doesn't offer discounts, it usually uses some linguistic fiction to offer some kind of "value" fare…a discount without calling it one. Another hot area will be the South Pacific. Many ships are repositioning themselves for the Sydney Olympics translating to a lot of cabin inventory as they sail in and out of that region.

Some people I know say they would never take a cruise. I say, try it you'll like it. Just make sure you choose something that fits your culture and interests.

Here are some of the reasons I like cruising:

A cruise can take you to places that you might otherwise skip because land travel is simply not worth the pain. For example, I have taken two cruises to the Mediterranean…to places such as Ephesus and Pergamum, wonders of the ancient world. Spectacular as they are, they are one-trick destinations, out in the middle of nowhere. The idea of spending days going overland for a glimpse of some crumbling pillars and spending the night in a place like Dikili, Turkey isn't a real good use of energy. But you can dock in Dikili, and sail from one ruin to the other in the comfort of a ship, having a place where you can be assured of a decent meal and a shower and not having to pack and unpack. That is quite a civilized way to painlessly take the grand tour…to see a lot of places. The same thing goes for river cruises…on the Amazon or Orinoco, for example, where you can visit places that have no airports…or, how about the rivers of Europe, where you dock in the middle of town, grab a bicycle and you're off to do anything you want.

Another reason I like cruising is that I love to sit on deck and rock myself to sleep with a good book…with no pressure of deadlines. Cruising is a way to relax, meditate and gather your thoughts…just sleep, read, eat and rock. I like smaller ships because they feel like ships, not shopping malls…and they actually rock. Some people don't like ships that rock and roll. I do.

I actually find myself staying aboard in some ports. Its good to have the whole ship for yourself.

In fact, every port may not be worth a stop. Or, at least not taking the bus tour arranged by the ship. In Sanya on Hainan Island, China, for example. There are really not any important historical attractions here. My wife and I, however, skipped the arranged tour, got off the ship with no map, no plan and walked. We found an absolutely charming market which we spent a couple of hours exploring. The point is, investigate ports beforehand. I took a cruise with my travel agent once, who arranged a car and driver in the important ports. We were two couples and it ended up being cheaper and certainly more pleasant than taking a cruiseline bus tour.

We visited a marble factory in Danang, Vietnam on a ship-organized tour. What got on my nerves here more than the chipping was the fact that I was trapped there, with a busload of others and forced to shop. We could have gone to Marble Mountain, where the marble comes from, which has a cavern where shafts of sunlight illuminate statues of Buddha. I was there several years ago and it was quite spectacular. We would have had plenty of time to see it if we hadn't have been trapped in two stores and have suffered through a tourist lunch next to another shopping opportunity. Some friends who signed up for a tour to go specifically to Marble Mountain spent 30 minutes of their three hour tour there…before being dragged on a shopping trip. Perhaps the thing that annoys me most about packaged tours is all of this forced shopping created by kickbacks to tour operators and guides by merchants. In fact, I got to know a respected carpet dealer in Istanbul who did not offer bribes and did not solicit cruise passengers. To do so, he said, without the under the table stuff, he would risk having his shop burned down.

This situation really angers me and it hasn't improved too much over the years. It not only happens on cruise shore excursions but regular packaged tours as well. Before you book a tour, find out its itinerary…so you don't waste too much of your time in trinket stores.

What I enjoy most about cruises are the people I meet. Over the years my table partners have included ambassadors, faded movie stars, a boilermaker, lots of honeymooners, a best-selling author, and the biggest sheetrock wholesaler on the East Coast.

I have also met a few obnoxious people. But on a cruise you can avoid them. Once hopeless drunk tried to befriend me and tailed me around…like a drooling basset hound. He had left his suitcase at the pier and lived in his tuxedo for four days. He asked to be seated with me but the maitre'd very professionally saw that that did not happen.

There are some people, with buckets of money, who retire on ships,who spend most of the year circumnavigating the globe, rarely getting off.

I remember one guy, undoubtedly in his 90s, who was wheeled out on deck every day where he held court. He was extremely popular. When I get to be his age, I could think of worse ways to go